Carolynna (siesta_eterna) wrote in mindgames_ocd,

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ramblings from an O.C. mindgames_ocd journal member


so you know when your mood is going down, and you can see it happening right before your eyes? my god.... I've got like every little step in the process memorized, and I know what will happen next, approximately when and how, and how long until the next downfall comes as well. not like I don't fight hard against it... but man, at least I know what to expect. plenty of warnings for me... in fact i think the first came like a couple of weeks ago. it wasn't the usual grumpy i just want to sleep carrie, it was the grumpy i just want to sleep and going out doesn't help the mood. that's the worse. but like always it was taken care of with some heavy amounts (in my terms) of social time and music for a few days. then i was pretty much back to normal.... as long as I didn't let myself think too much. then came the pissed at the world day, which amazingly was taken care of by going out with mike to the snob fest. but it's not like i didn't see the dark clouds looming past, I just chose to ignore them. and in fact I know they were about to leave, but somehow they caught on to me at the last second. and then comes tired grumpy mood again, then later the self conscious irrelevant criticism, and then the doozy of ocd torturous crazies coming full force in class as well... semi full force i suppose, it wasn't actually too bad now that i think about it. i remember the same thing happened last year at about this time when i was watching a movie with hillary. it was amazing, and at that time it was somewhat unexpected. but i remember i thought i would explode and all that fuss didn't stop for a few months after that. some hope here tho.... it's still in a stage where it can be turned around, and my mood can be salvaged. it hasn't even gone too far down actually.

so... superwoman carrie here we come. wow

i actually just got really excited... to fight these evil doers in my head off. i mean, I've been fighting for so long that it's becoming hold hat, and a little enjoyable in a masochistic sort of way.

exciting exciting


i think i might just win this time...
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