C. J. R. (curlwcat) wrote in mindgames_ocd,
C. J. R.
curlwcat
mindgames_ocd

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hi!

i'm new. i've just been started on zoloft a week ago for my ocd, which i've had all my life. i'm a counter, and i have a lot of little rituals. i've just begun to be honest about this with the people i care about, having hidden it all my life until now.

i read a lot of the entries people posted in the group, and it was rather a relief to see that a lot of people have issues with numbers like i do.

i do almost everything depending on if its an odd or even day of the week. for instance, today is saturday, the 7th calendar day of the week, and 7 is an odd number, so i do everything an odd number of times. i use 1 squirt of shampoo. i wash once, i eat an odd number of bites of food. i touch the wall or whatever i'm touching an odd number of times. to nullify something i didn't do the right number of times, i'll try to do it "half" to make it not count. i try to do almost everything with my right hand, the left hand being "bad." or if i have to do something with my left hand, i'll touch it afterwards with my right hand to make it ok or to nullify the left hand touch. i don't step on cracks, i hate driving and being driven anywhere (though i do it), and i have rituals and repeatings and things that HAVE TO BE JUST SO in my bathroom, or on my desk at work. there are endlessly more rituals and obessions, too, but those are the most time consuming. its been getting more exhausting as time has gone on, both trying to hide it from everyone and from trying to worry about everything all the time. now my parents know, and are supportive, although they don't understand, and my boyfriend knows, and tries to be supportive but doesn't believe i should be taking zoloft to "cure" myself. i don't know what to think, but on top of the ocd, i'm mildly depressed, *very* anxious, and have ptsd from several car accidents in high school. i'm finally trying to do something about all of this, now that i'm done with college and can afford the medical bills. i fall in the moderate range, apparently. i just wanted to say hi, and put this all out there to get it ... well, out there. thanks.
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