?

Log in

O's Journal
 
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in O's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Sunday, August 19th, 2007
7:22 pm
[frelsun]
OCD and Genius
Is there a correlation between OCD and intelligence? Are people with OCD more intelligent than people without it? After all, people with OCD, have lots of mental activity, and generally dumb people don't. Genius borders insanity, so one could say those with OCD are geniuses especially those with the subset of OCD known as scruplosity. It takes a true genius to logically deduce how every action and thought pertains to one's morals beliefs. Some accuse those with OCD as weaving intricate webs, and would that not be the hallmark of genius?
Saturday, December 2nd, 2006
3:16 pm
[frelsun]
Scruplosity
I'm listening to the audio book: the Devil is in the Details. The writer is the first person to describe something called "Scruplosity." I'm also reading about the social constructionism and social control of mental illness which suggests what is labeled as mental illness may be relative or even arbitrary based on who wants to categorize certain behavior in a certain way.

Scruplosity is a condition where one breaks down moral matters into really fine points. To me, this doesn't necessarily seem like a mental illness. I majored in Philosophy and we did a watered down version of that. To me, I have weaved an intricate web of morality, which I'd like to think is a sign of sophsication. Certiantly, one can miss the forest for the trees, but I don't think that alone makes one mentally ill. A lot of people do that. In one of my philosophy classes, the professor had us think about what mental illness is and she asked if being sane in an insane world makes one mental illness.

People who are considered to have scrupolosity are perhaps being stigmatized for being logical. They see the logical conclusions of their morality and they take it far out. Having an analytical mind is more of a sign of great intelligance even genius rather than mental illness. You have to cognitively advanced to think of morality in so many details. Sure, again, it may be unwise, but foolishness alone is not mental illness
Friday, April 15th, 2005
8:05 am
[toolesque_one]
hi. I finnally found a place where ppl know what im talking about... I hope.

I have a few different forms of this. One makes me believe if I talk too much about it it will get worse and something bad will happen...
It started with germs and numbers. when I was little I did things in even numbers. I remember my drunk mother tellin me if I just put my right shoe on first then i would have a good day. If the left, it was bad. I havent seen my mother for over a decade but I havent put on my left shoe first in that long either. I do everything with my right side. i have to. thats the worst part of my ocd. it gets in the way of my life sometimes. its worse of course when im more stressed. i think my ocd changes with my life. my symptoms change all the time. I gauge how bad it is by how often i obsess and what i am obsessing about. My main obsession is TooL. the band. I didnt really think they were a part of my OCD. But read some of my journal I think it is. Another part of it is food. I have an eating disorder which supports my ocd. They support one another. treatment has been difficult.
My biggest fear is something i cannot talk about for fear it will happen. that is what controls my life. I cant talk about it though. not today. some days i can becaus it wont happen on those days...

Anyway for the most part i supose i just deal with it. i alter my life to make room for the ocd...thers so many other things but i wont talk about them today. just glad to find a place to get some things out.

Current Mood: apathetic
Monday, January 24th, 2005
10:05 pm
[malapropos]
I desperately need some help right now. I stopped taking Luvox about a week and a half ago for OCD because it just didn't seem to be working. I stopped it cold turkey. I'm getting severe withdrawal. The past week or so, I've felt my depression coming out again (even though I'm still taking my Wellbutrin), I've felt great anxiety like crazy, crazy dreams, last Thursday night and Friday I had abdominal cramps, as I'm sitting here typing I want to go throw up, I can't concentrate, my OCD is bugging me more than ever, and I just want to die so badly right now. I can't take feeling like this. Please please please can someone help me and tell me how I can cope with this right now because I am at the end of my tether and all I want to do is cry and die.
Monday, November 29th, 2004
4:01 pm
[poxy_roxy]
okay i haven't posted here in a while. i've had ocd for years now what i'm wondering is if this is right, if this is part of my ocd or not. i waste a lot of time on stupid things when i'm in the middle of doing something else that's important or something that i should be doing. for example, i'll be getting ready for school in the morning. i'll be getting dressed and then i'll start to think about how i just hate the way i look and i'll change my outfit and i know that it doesn't look that bad, but i'll just stand there and think of something else that i like better.i could just walk out the door,but then i would become really stressed out the whole day because i don't like a certain something i have on.so i'll look through my belongings for something better and i'll look at the clock and know that i have to leave but i become irrational and don't care because if i don't find something better than i'll be miserable the whole day. it's not always like that some days i don't give a damn what i'm wearing,but i'll still manage to make myself late by obsessing over other stupid minor details. i get thoughts like "did you pack Everything?....absolutely EVERYTHING that you'll need for the next couple of days?" (i stay over my boyfriend's house sometimes)so i'll go through all my art supplies and pack 'em but then i start packing things that having nothing to do with my day's journey. things that i think i might enjoy reading on the ride or use whenever...all of this while the clock is ticking,but still i keep thinking that i must do all these things or i get really frustrated if i don't do them, but then i get frustrated if i do because i can't just get ready and go like a normal person.

another example is right now. i think people like me should not have myspace accounts,e-mail accounts,livejournals at times. i can be sitting up in my bedroom working on projects that are late or about to be due and in the middle of the project i'll think of going online. i'll think of chekcing my e-mail or checking my myspace account to see if anyone has left me any new comments or messages or a friend's request. not only will i check,but i'll sit there and check it a few times per hour. then i'll leave and go back to my work,but if i walk anywhere near the room where the computer is i'll start thinking of going online for no particular reason.of course once i go online it's the end cuz i'll want to get offline but i'll be stuck on for several hours and waste the day away.this makes me feel very guilty and irresponsible and less productive than other people in my class when i show up there with half the work and they're all way ahead of me. of course there's no way i can really explain this to my teachers without them thinking i'm making shit up. i mean i'm ALWAYS late and my projects are very behind or unfinished because i can't focus so they don't like me as it is. it's been going on for years i'm about to graduate,but it just i dunno it drives me nuts.i'm afarid that when i start working professionally as an illustrator or whatever i wind up doing i'm gonna have problems with these obsessive thoughts and i'll wind up fucking up and getting fired.i commute about 4hours back and forth between home and work per day so my behavior can make me excessively late.

another thing i do is when i'm working on an assigment and even though it's late i'll obsess about it being totally perfect so it'll take me a long ass time to do an assigment.i'll think over every detail and worry and fuzz too much about my work. it can be really late, the teacher can be really mad,but i won't care cuz it's not PERFECT.

when i got to bed at night i think about all my worries, i can't get comfortable.i toss and turn and stay up thinking about all the things in life that make me upset or that i'm afraid of. i get really sad and moody sometimes because i sit and think of things too much. i wish i could get away from my head.a lot of times i wind up not falling asleep till maybe 3hours before i'm supposed to be up and then i oversleep and my morning routine gets fucked up because i obsess over things like i explained in the beginning of this entry. Of course as the day goes on i obsess over other stupid minless things like i just explained too and so it's vicious cycle that i don't know how to control. i have control sometimes and sometimes i really don't.when i was younger i used to have more ritualistic behaviors you know counting things a certain amount of times and all that jazz,but i managed to keep that under control over time. i'm starting to think that since i'm under a lot of stress with school and the fact that i'm about to graduate and gonna have to move out that my ocd gets worse at these times and that because i control my ritualistic behavior it's taking over me with mental obsessions instead.

of course i don't have trouble sleeping every single night,but it's often enough that it's become a huge problem. a lot of times the easiest way to fall asleep is to smoke pot and drink some beer.that's not always available to me though....i've tried meditating,but it doesnt work when i'm stressing out that much at night and i start doing tourette's things i dunno.

can someone help me?

i don't really wanna go to a doctor all the doctor will do is want to put me on medicine, i was on medicine when i was younger,and i developed vitiligo and the meds would just sedate me and make me pass out everywhere.i guess maybe the doctor could help me out with behavior therapy.i also have developed colitis the doctor has told me that i have an increased chance of developing cancer in 7 years.i'm 23,with me being a pessimist that's not making me look at the future in any way that's any brighter then i already did.i don't have much money,i have medicaid that i have to reaply for every year...it makes me kinda worry what will happen if they decide not to give me health insurance next year cuz i have to reapply every yeard.woah this entry's not about ocd anymore,but yea i needed to get that out.

i think about suicide pretty often,well off and on.i have for years since i was a little kid, it's kinda weird. people tell me it's not normal to think about.i think it is because as often as i can remember it's a thought that i've entertained.people always would say to me..."people who talk about it don't actually do it" i'm not planning on doing it....no right now. maybe one day i dunno what i'm thinking now i'm getting pretty down. i was gonna do it about a year ago...it was last january actually. i had everyting ready, big ass knife,pills and floor cleaner...i was hysterical,a total mess....then the doorbell rang and it was my boyfriend with whom i'd break up a few days later.i guess i musta not been that serious if i opened the door.i don't think i have depressioni or whatever the fuck people wanna call it. i think too many therapists call sadness depression just so they can make money from their patients. i think there are peopel that have depression,but a lot that don't. i dunno....depression means you're sad for a long period of time for no reason right? well, i have good reasons to feel like crap,but then i'll forget about it like a few days later and i'll be okay...sometimes i'll be okay for a really long time.
Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
5:23 am
[ex_ode]
A lesson concerning tires
Well, the good news is that I (well, Marc) found the bulge in my tire before anything dangerous happened. The bad news is that all the tires are worn (I didn't think to get the tires rotated when I got the car from Colleen, and she certainly never had them rotated when it was under her care).

So I'm probably paying for 4 new tires. *hopes but doesn't expect that tires are still under warranty.* This was not budgeted. I'm cranky.

Lesson: rotate your tires, my friends.

Current Mood: crazy
Wednesday, March 31st, 2004
8:22 pm
[oscarssister23]
Sorry about that. I miss-clicked on the Journal to Post In thing. My apologies for spamming it up. :-)
8:19 pm
[oscarssister23]
"I did all my best smiiileeee...."
Watching Texas Chainsaw remake. David Dorfman is adorable, R. Lee Ermey kicks ass, etcetera. I'll let you know when I survive.

Current Mood: accomplished
Tuesday, March 16th, 2004
10:33 pm
[redefinition]
anyone on luvox or has ever been on luvox?
Friday, March 12th, 2004
8:46 pm
[revevastars]
x-post: panic_anxiety and mindgames_ocd
Hi, I just got a prescription for Wellbutrin and have NO IDEA what it's like or what side effects to expect. WebMD just isn't cutting it. PLZ ADVISE.

Thanks!
Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
11:11 pm
[curlwcat]
updates...
so i've been taking zoloft for ocd/anxiety/depression since early december (so its been about 3 months) and trazedone for sleep. its been an interesting ride so far. first my energy level went way up with the zoloft, so that i almost felt manic, but i like it because i've been so tired and exhausted and unhappy. that evened out again and now i'm back to being mostly tired all the time. the psychiatrist wanted me to address my sleeping problems with the trazedone, and that has led to interesting discoveries, such as the fact that my metabolism for poisons (read: drugs) is so high that it burns through the trazedone so fast it only keeps me asleep for an hour or so. i was given the maximum dosage after that and told to take it more than once throughout the night if necessary. so that thing that comes out now, is that it doesn't matter when i take it, i can either sleep or not. all the trazedone allowable by law will not put me sleep some nights. other nights, it works in the smallest dose. the psychiatrist was asking me some questions about if she thought i had highs and lows (like a bipolar person) and i told her i didn't know. but now i'm beginning to wonder. the zoloft isn't helping my anxiety AT ALL. if anything my ocd rituals are worse and more involved than before. i'm more hyper-aware of them now. i believe the zoloft is definitely helping my depression and energy levels, but not the anxiety. this is all very revealing, although i feel like a lab rat. i understand i have to do this to get at the root of the matter and to address the ocd. its just so frustrating when something doesn't fix you right away. anyway, does anyone out there have any similar problems with sleep to me? i am a horrible insomniac, unable to sleep at all most of the time, sleeping lightly, awakening throughout the night over and over or to the smallest sound since i was 15 or 16. are any of you bipolar? i am trying to understand this new thing. when i can't sleep, its hard to explain, i feel like there is a light feeling in the top of my head behind my eyes and above my eyes at the top of my head, prying my eyes open. i feel exhausted and strung out, but i can't shut my eyes or sleep or relax. any comments would be helpful. thank you for being here.

Current Mood: frustrated
Friday, January 30th, 2004
6:55 pm
[cosmicjohn]
Couple of Questions
Hey all. A new guy here. I've just recently discovered some information regarding this disorder, and have a couple questions. I see that a lot of persons with OCD have a big thing with washing their hands. Mine is not like that. Are there different forms of OCD?

You can read my whole story here. Also, any natural or herbal medicines that may work? I don't suppose there are, but since they're usually cheaper, and I'm without health insurance at the moment (90 days!), I was wondering if there was anything I could do. Also, anyone have any information on the drug "ecstasy" and the effects on OCD? I know that seratonin levels have something to do with it, and "X" raises those levels, but then those levels take a long time to replenish, if at all.

Well, thanks for listening. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
Sunday, December 28th, 2003
1:26 pm
[corpslaveboi]
Been there before...there is hope for all
I know there is hope for all of you. I know exactly how you must feel to those in here with OCD. I used to do all the same things pretty much. Had to close the door so many times, close the cabinets, touch the door knob, hang up the phone, wash my hands and all turn the lights on and off so many times to all of these. I had a feeling that if I did not do all these things repeatedly I would have something bad happen in my life. Someone I love would be hurt or that an accident may happen of some sort. It was really hard for me to overcome all of that. I rarely do that at all anymore. My OCD has become different now that I am older. It is now if someone hangs up the phone on me I have to call back. If they call me names or say something bad to me I have to say I am sorry and will continue to bother them till they say everything is ok and it will be alright and I apologize. It has ruined my relationships and it has hurt many that I loved very much. It is almost codependency now. I also have panic attacks and axiety at times and take Buspar for it. It has helped and is a mild drug. I heard Adavan is good also. I just overcame my OCD by saying to myself I am not going to do that...I am not going to worry about it and I am not going to worry because nothing bad is going to happen to me or anyone if I don't do that. It is true. You just need to say I am not going to do it, or reduce the amount of timesyou do and then work down in times ratherthan up until you feel you don't have the need to repeat. Try and if you need a friend I am here feel free to check out my info page for my email and screen names. Best of luck.

Current Mood: content
Monday, December 22nd, 2003
3:18 am
[redefinition]
i'm currently on luvox for OCD. i've been on 400 mg a day for the past 3 years but now i'm changing it to 300 mg a day. i don't know what the side effects will be. anyone done this before?
Saturday, December 13th, 2003
9:20 pm
[curlwcat]
hi!
i'm new. i've just been started on zoloft a week ago for my ocd, which i've had all my life. i'm a counter, and i have a lot of little rituals. i've just begun to be honest about this with the people i care about, having hidden it all my life until now.

i read a lot of the entries people posted in the group, and it was rather a relief to see that a lot of people have issues with numbers like i do.

i do almost everything depending on if its an odd or even day of the week. for instance, today is saturday, the 7th calendar day of the week, and 7 is an odd number, so i do everything an odd number of times. i use 1 squirt of shampoo. i wash once, i eat an odd number of bites of food. i touch the wall or whatever i'm touching an odd number of times. to nullify something i didn't do the right number of times, i'll try to do it "half" to make it not count. i try to do almost everything with my right hand, the left hand being "bad." or if i have to do something with my left hand, i'll touch it afterwards with my right hand to make it ok or to nullify the left hand touch. i don't step on cracks, i hate driving and being driven anywhere (though i do it), and i have rituals and repeatings and things that HAVE TO BE JUST SO in my bathroom, or on my desk at work. there are endlessly more rituals and obessions, too, but those are the most time consuming. its been getting more exhausting as time has gone on, both trying to hide it from everyone and from trying to worry about everything all the time. now my parents know, and are supportive, although they don't understand, and my boyfriend knows, and tries to be supportive but doesn't believe i should be taking zoloft to "cure" myself. i don't know what to think, but on top of the ocd, i'm mildly depressed, *very* anxious, and have ptsd from several car accidents in high school. i'm finally trying to do something about all of this, now that i'm done with college and can afford the medical bills. i fall in the moderate range, apparently. i just wanted to say hi, and put this all out there to get it ... well, out there. thanks.

Current Mood: anxious
Sunday, November 23rd, 2003
3:19 pm
[siesta_eterna]
moodstats.com
hello all, I don't know how many of you have heard of this program, but I thought I'd post about it just in case someone is interested...

I found this program online where you can rate your moods/life/stess, or even your OCD symptoms day by day. this is really helpful if you want to figure out correlational aspects of your OCD with, perhaps, stress or even your menstrual cycle (fun! right?....?) Imagine a year full of useful stats like that. Plus, the ability to compare with others around the world (with privacy options available, of course). Another great part of it is that it lays out all the stats out for you, weekly or even yearly, in a nice handy easy to read line graph.

highly highly highly recommended! except, one draw back: costs $15 for its permanent use.

but man... if your at all interested in helping yourself or just wanting to not forget those good and bad days in life, and put a qualitative number to it all... then you all should definitely consider using this service!
Thursday, November 13th, 2003
7:10 pm
[siesta_eterna]
ramblings from an O.C. mindgames_ocd journal member
rar

so you know when your mood is going down, and you can see it happening right before your eyes? my god.... I've got like every little step in the process memorized, and I know what will happen next, approximately when and how, and how long until the next downfall comes as well. not like I don't fight hard against it... but man, at least I know what to expect. plenty of warnings for me... in fact i think the first came like a couple of weeks ago. it wasn't the usual grumpy i just want to sleep carrie, it was the grumpy i just want to sleep and going out doesn't help the mood. that's the worse. but like always it was taken care of with some heavy amounts (in my terms) of social time and music for a few days. then i was pretty much back to normal.... as long as I didn't let myself think too much. then came the pissed at the world day, which amazingly was taken care of by going out with mike to the snob fest. but it's not like i didn't see the dark clouds looming past, I just chose to ignore them. and in fact I know they were about to leave, but somehow they caught on to me at the last second. and then comes tired grumpy mood again, then later the self conscious irrelevant criticism, and then the doozy of ocd torturous crazies coming full force in class as well... semi full force i suppose, it wasn't actually too bad now that i think about it. i remember the same thing happened last year at about this time when i was watching a movie with hillary. it was amazing, and at that time it was somewhat unexpected. but i remember i thought i would explode and all that fuss didn't stop for a few months after that. some hope here tho.... it's still in a stage where it can be turned around, and my mood can be salvaged. it hasn't even gone too far down actually.

so... superwoman carrie here we come. wow

i actually just got really excited... to fight these evil doers in my head off. i mean, I've been fighting for so long that it's becoming hold hat, and a little enjoyable in a masochistic sort of way.

exciting exciting

man


i think i might just win this time...
Friday, October 24th, 2003
10:41 pm
[kris_kitty]
Does anyone know of any non-medical books about people who have OCD? Such as Kissing Doorknobs? I'd really be interested in reading some more fiction/nonfiction about the disorder. Thanks. :)
Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
6:05 pm
[puresin]
intro.
hey, all, my name is jessi, i'm 19 from arkansas. [i'm a girl.] i was never officially diagnosed with ocd. i was diagnosed with severe depression in eighth grade and have been on anti-depressants ever since. i have tried serzone, effexor, paxil, and others, until i came to luvox. i have been on luvox for about 4 years now. although i think the symptoms were always there, i started recognizing ocd symptoms in myself a few years ago and began researching it. i came to find that luvox is a treatment for ocd, and my current GP [not the one that i was with when i began luvox treatment] says i am on luvox for depression + ocd, not just depression as i had originally thought. [my parents think they failed to diagnose me with ocd because i was too young and labeling me was not in my best interest at that age.] anyway, the point is, i have done really well on luvox forever. the one time i was taken off of it [i lost my insurance, this was not by choice or doctor's recommendation] i cried for the entire month or so i was off. that was a couple of years ago. recently, i have been having problems with my family and my boyfriend, and my GP put me on xanax as well. the xanax helps me not freak out and cry when i am upset, but the intrusive thoughts i get are getting worse. i don't know if this is related to the xanax or anything, but my GP decided that he wants to take me off luvox and put me on something else because i have been on luvox for so long. i understand this, but i am very nervous because of what happened the previous time i got off the med. also, i am not sure which meds i will be put on. as i said, i have tried several before, and luvox was the first successful one. i have heard that celexa works well but makes people clean a lot and gives them a lot of energy. this sounds perfect to me, and i have never been a cleaner. can anyone tell me how they have been on luvox or celexa? thanks.

Current Mood: hungry
Monday, October 13th, 2003
2:26 pm
[j_lou]
CBT
Hey, it's me again. Does anyone have any experience with cognitive-behavioral therapy for their OCD? Did anyone ever have OCD diagnosed as a child? I'm especially interested in the CBT, so let me know. Thanks!
[ << Previous 20 ]
About LiveJournal.com